I began preaching in churches and leading Bible studies in my public High School when I was 17 years old.  My Alliance church as well as a Methodist church in town both allowed me to preach from their pulpits and I "planted" a Bible study group of about a dozen students that met weekly before school.  I also had occasional opportunities to preach at various Christian events in our town.  

When I would get the opportunity to preach publicly my family and friends would always show up to support me.  Honestly, it kind of felt like playing sports.  People who loved me showed up to encourage me.  As a result, I would subconsciously (and sometimes consciously) prepare and preach knowing that family and friends would be watching.  I didn't understand it at the time, but there was a little bit of a performative aspect to preaching that was beginning to develop in me. It wasn’t a good thing.

When I enrolled in college this only got worse.  I took three semesters of Homiletics (“the art of preaching”), which I loved.  However, there were several dynamics at play in my homiletics classes that further drove home the idea that people were watching me preach and that I needed to perform to/for them.  First, we would often invite friends to our preaching classes when it was our turn to preach.  This meant recruiting a cheering section for yourself for each sermon.  Second, immediately following our sermons we had to sit down and receive feedback from the other students (in front of our friends!) while still in the vulnerable emotional state of having just preached.  Third, we were video-taped and graded on our sermon (understandably).  Finally, at the end of the semester, the entire class voted on the best preachers, who were given an opportunity to preach in chapel to nearly 1,000 students.  While I don't think any of these dynamics are wrong, to a person who tends to care what other people think about them, these experiences could create or reveal some sinful things in the heart.  For me, it made preaching not only performative but also competitive.  

Once I graduated I took my first job at a church just 15 minutes from my college. The congregation included many of my college professors, missionaries in training, retired pastors, and denominational leaders. I did not look forward to preaching in this setting and only preached six times over the course of four years.  I did not like the idea that people were watching me.  

Even during my time at True Vine I have felt the challenge, pressure, and temptation to perform for those who are watching when I preach.  I have had to resist and battle this issue in my soul on a regular basis.  

I share all of that to ask these questions: Do you ever feel like people are watching you when you preach?  Does the insidious temptation to perform, compete, or put on a good show ever appear in your preparation process?  Do you ever find yourself comparing yourself to other people who preach?  If so, you're normal.  But you might also want to confront those issues in your soul, especially if you see preaching as a long-term part of your ministry. 

Recently I was reading 2 Corinthians and I came across this verse: 
"We preach the Word of God with sincerity and with Christ's authority, knowing that God is watching us." (2 Cor. 2:17)  

This verse set me free.  I wrote it on the inside cover of my preaching Bible.  It affirmed that someone is watching - God.  This verse not only changed my sermon preparation and delivery, but it rearranged some things in my heart.  In the last few months, I've seen in my mind’s eye not only the congregation in the seats but also spiritual beings above the congregation.  I've been more aware that the spiritual world is listening even more intently to the message than the congregation.  I've been more careful to remember that I am not only speaking about God but to God.  I don't want to say anything wrong about God, because He's watching.  I know that God is not impressed with charm and that He won't be pleased with manipulative preaching.  Knowing that God is watching has pretty much disarmed my concern for anyone else who might be present.  

I want to encourage you to remember that God is watching when we preach.  Some days this might bring us comfort and other days this might put the fear of God into us.  Those are both ok.  Prepare knowing that God is watching.  Pray knowing that God is watching.  Preach knowing that God is watching.  In fact, He's the only one who sees the process from beginning to end and knows what's going on inside of you.  We preach His word on His behalf and He's the one that we aim to please in our preaching.